The Cost of Trust: One Behavior Being Ignored In Our Talk of Schism
Like many other clergy and laity in the
United Methodist Church, I’ve been reading the proposals and responses again
and again related to the idea of schism, the talk of dividing the church. For some time now, I have been listening to
discussion and the varying points of view.
I’ve tried to remove myself from my own beliefs and convictions to try
and hear all sides with fresh ears (it has been difficult). I’m still not done. I still have people I want to talk with about
it, clergy and laity both, as well as United Methodists and those outside.
This week however I put my finger on
something that had just been gnawing at me.
I
think it had a lot to do with my son going before his Eagle Board of
Review last night (which he passed and is now an Eagle Scout). Each week in my High School years, I stood,
held the Scout sign and repeated the values Scouting seeks to instill in boys
starting with the first words, “A scout is trustworthy…” For a number of years now, I’ve stood and
done the same ritual, believing those are values which are timeless and I
wanted to pass on to my son, “A scout is trustworthy…”
Quite honestly, it hit me hard.
Like others I'm sure, I was impressed by Dr. James Howell's appeal for the UMC to stay together. Among other articles I read, I read Dr.
William Abraham’s post from a few years back, “United
Methodists at the End of the Mainline.” In his comments he references a
sermon from a clergy in the Reconciling Movement who spoke about his position and
the Reconciling Movement. The message of
that preacher went…
“Now
it is our turn to get honest…We have moved far beyond the idea that the Bible
is exclusively normative and literally authoritative for our faith. To my
thinking, that is good! What is bad is that we have tried to con ourselves and
others by saying ‘we haven’t changed our position.’”
Then
yesterday there appeared an article in The Daily Beast, a very thought
provoking article I might add, entitled “Were
Christians Right About Gay Marriage Along?” In it, author Jay Michaelson, speculates that
to some, gay marriage isn’t the end nor was it ever the goal. In truth, their goal is to do away completely
with marriage. Michaelson writes,
“If your agenda is liberation, then the vision of same-sex
marriage, in which gays become domesticated and live happily ever after, is a
kind of nightmare. It is, at best, the squandering of a revolutionary
potential, but at worst the growth of exactly what we were supposed to have
shrunk: repression, patriarchy, convention, religion.”
Is this really the end game for some in this movement? And if the one is true, how far away is the other? Can I even take your word if you told me you are against the second statement if you agree with the first. I pray this is not shared within the UMC as a desired outcome.
I
can’t help hearing those words, “A scout is trustworthy…” I guess some could care less what comes to my
mind. You may think Scouting is a
waste. Fine. But I think it is a critical, and clearly
understated or entirely ignored part of the conversation. Like scouts who stand and proclaim at their
meetings regarding what they value (even though they are just starting to learn
it), we clergy do the same thing in essence during our ordination
processes. We give our word, confirming
our commitment to the polity and discipline of the church. Our approach, I think, is very much in keeping with Jesus' words on giving our word too (see Matthew 5:36-37).
In the book, “The Speed of Trust,” Stephen M.R. Covey describes giving our word or
keeping commitments as the “Big Kahuna” of all trust behaviors. He goes on to write, “…when you make a
commitment, you build hope; when you keep it, you build trust (214).” Throughout the book which reflects an
extensive study on trust in organizations, Covey also notes the impact of
betraying trust and the impact on relationships. He often notes Warren Buffet’s famous quote, “It
takes twenty years develop a reputation and just 5 minutes to destroy it.”
I
am not ignoring the conviction and belief of those of you who see this as a
justice issue. I can respect you see it
as worth the sacrifice to break covenant to bring the argument into the open, to try to change
the perception and beliefs others hold regarding sexuality. I want us all at the
table but I find myself with a trust betrayed.
I don’t think this is a “straw-man argument.” I am also not for the break-up of our
denomination, I want us to be in connection but a trust betrayed is far from
being quick to heal. If you feel the
sacrifice of betraying trust is worth the price, realize you still have
sacrificed.