Size Matters Not: A Lesson from Death and Forgiving

"Forgive me Lord, so I can live; forgiving."  It is my breath prayer this week.

Our days are running out. 

I mean this practically and figuratively.

Of course, our days on this earth are always running out.  But practically, my wife and I only have days left together.  How many we do not know.  The doctors cannot get so detailed and this is good I think.  It means everyday, we have to live it as though it is the end.  

I think, looking back, we did forgiveness pretty good.  We did have those rough patches here and there but we found our way back to each other, through the emotions because we could not handle being separate.  I have tried to apply these lessons to all my relationships.  Sadly, I have not succeeded in this as much as I would like.

But then, it seems important to remember or at least consider, forgiveness has a divine origin.  It does not begin with us but it begins with God.  As one who believes the Bible is revelation, it is my conviction God is the One initiating our interactions, offering at times, a divine tap on the shoulder, whispering, "remember me?" when God knows darn well I do not.

I can point toward the west, to Portland, where delegates from around the world are gathering representing the many voices and convictions of people in the United Methodist Church.  There is much to be decided.  There is also many who are angry and hurt, and there are those at peace and seeking understanding.  We struggle to make important connections and one of those points of contention, I think, lies here: we do not forgive.  We do not want to forgive.  We do not forgive because, for some, we do not recognize our own need for forgiveness.  These were Jesus' words on the cross after all, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34)."

This is not someone else's problem either and THAT is a problem.  It is my problem when I do not consider what role I played.  It becomes a problem for us all when we refuse to even think for a moment "me, myself or I" played a part.  What is the real difference between the speck or the log (Luke 6:42)?

Yoda said it first: "Size matters not."

I do not want to lose my wife to this disease of cancer but the days are quickly disappearing.  Each day, I take inventory, considering what it is I may have done wrong and asking forgiveness.  Will it stop the cancer?  No.  What it is doing is reminding me I share this world with other people, people God loves and people God willingly forgives.

I want to live.  To live, truly, I must learn to live forgiving others.

Jesus taught it and did it.

My wife has lived it.  

So please, forgive me Lord, so I can live; forgiving.


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