Five Questions I've Learned from Vision Loss that Improve Awareness


Over this past year, the upper part of my eyes and vision, has grown stronger and adapted to being able to read better. Because reading is such an important part of my work, I have effectively given up reading for pleasure. Your eyes really can get tired!

I have also found that movies and television can allow my eyes a chance to relax. Movies are really great because everything is so big and the theater is dark, so my vision doesn’t have to strain. So with no new episodes of The Walking Dead right now, I’ve picked up watching two detective shows, Longmire and The Glades. While the shows are very different in their design, settings, and characters, both main characters are very aware of everything and everybody.

From the details of crime scenes, behaviors of suspects, and in the searching out for evidence, these two detectives are almost hyper aware of what is taking place. They are always observing, always questioning, and always learning. And like any good character (really the writers) knows, it is not just about the crime, they also have to be aware of themselves.

Just how aware are you of you? 


Because of my vision loss, I have to be hyper-aware of the
environment, people and traffic around.  I have found most people are completely unaware of others around them and it could be easy with low-vision to get upset when others are not paying attention.  I can get mad at myself for not being more prepared too.

As I have learned to be more aware of my environment and that has led me to consider my spiritual awareness.  Think about this five questions:

  1. How aware are you of your motivations, your passions, your thoughts, your questions, or your behaviors? 
  2. How aware are you of your responses to other people and are you aware of what assumptions you are making regarding them? 
  3. Are you projecting previous experiences onto a new experience? 
  4. Are you projecting your motivations onto other people? 
  5. Are you doing all this with God too?

I am pretty certain, even after 2,000 years, we don’t fully understand or have learned all there is to know about the Sermon on the Mount. It is at once liberating and convicting. Jesus is on a roll of examining the fulfillment of the Law when He says, "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:26-28 NASB).” Just how aware are you of this inner orientation? Adam Clarke’s words on this verse (and the passions), call us to being aware of our reality:

         Many would abhor to commit one external act before the eyes of [people], in a temple of stone; and yet they are not afraid to commit a multitude of such acts in the temple of their hearts, and in the sight of God!

Is it possible we are, at times, too quick to think the best of motivations of others and ourselves? Are we really aware of our inner condition or are we quick to think so well of ourselves we miss the ancient truth of Jeremiah that, "The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? (17:9 NASB)”

The desert fathers and mothers went to the desert, in part, to be away from the distractions of the world so they might become more aware of their passions and to wrestle with demons in their various forms. The practice of bands and class meetings of the early Methodists was to ask questions, to use these methods to be aware and be accountable. Sometimes we miss our motivations because we don’t take the time to be aware of ourselves.

This is part of what I think having a process of ordination does for the Church. My intent isn’t to cast stones at other traditions. However, we need to realize the Board of Ordained Ministry is more than just a gate-keeper in the United Methodist Church’s process. I think one underlying principle might be expressed this way: Those in ministry need to be aware of their own motivations, passions, and demons.

I do not always agree with the process or the decisions made by these boards who examine. What I do know, looking back on my process, was how being deferred made me more aware of myself and what God was preparing me for the work of ministry. I needed to be more clear, more aware. I needed to ask better questions.   I needed to know myself better.

This same awareness is what spiritual direction offers. It gives us

opportunity to have someone listen to the Holy Spirit with us, so we might be more aware of God’s voice and God’s leading in our lives.  I have found an experienced spiritual director makes a huge difference but this could be in accountability or even just daily time set-aside to be more aware of God. It is so much easier to be blissfully ignorant of the spiritual nature of our world. We can just tune it out as many have done or just crank the volume up and drowned out the Spirit’s silent voice as others have also done.

There is a hunger and desire in us to treasure the unique and the rare. To know ourselves and voice of God, we must make time to be aware.



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